Discouraged, disheartened...

I have spent my last two years attempting to do ministry that is where my heart is. Loving kids, loving the people, helping people come to know how much God loves them in a deeper way. As I sit at my desk today, I am discouraged. Discouraged as I watch more and more churches (including my own) struggle to make ends meet. Discouraged as I watch more and more of my colleauges leave the ministry because they cannot find full time employment. Disheartened because many of the parents of our kids seem to not think that raising their kids in the faith is important.

I worry and wonder about the future of our church, and the future of our world. What will it look like in another 20 years when these people who so DEEPLY love the church aren't here anymore. In my current setting, if you added 20 years to everyone, 95% of those who attend worship would be no longer with us. That not only scares me, but makes me wonder about where the church is supposed to be going, what we are supposed to be doing differently to raise another generation who loves the Lord and loves serving others.

I guess in all, it is just one of those days that I wonder where God is calling me next...and if it is to stay here, how I am supposed to do that, when the very things that feed me and give me life seem to be dying all around me.

I know, every pastor gets discouraged and disheartened from time to time. How do we keep the faith, keep working, keep following God's will...what advice do YOU have for this first call pastor?

With a bit of a broken heart...

It is with a bit of a broken heart that I write this latest blog entry. I just learned that another one of my Luther Seminary classmates committed suicide, and am still in a state of shock.

There are no words for the loss to our world for her leaving it, and no words to the hurt in my heart that another pastor lost all hope and couldn't see any other alternative than to end it all.

With so much suicide happening in my classmates (I believe this is number 4), I wonder at what is happening in the hearts of the people that I sat in classes with and worshiped next to. I hurt for their congregations and their families as they struggle to make sense of a world that is a bit more broken now that their loved ones are not in it.

But I also see it from the side of those who have lost hope. This is not an easy profession to be a part of. It can be easy at times to get so discouraged that the light you are called to preach is the very light you need to hear yourself. I pray for all of you, my friends in ministry, and my friends in other professions, that you find people that will speak the light to you on the dark days. That when things get so dark that you can't find the light anymore, that you have people to show you the way. And if ever, you are in need of someone to speak the light to you, I am a phone call or a click away. I hope you are the same for me. We are called to walk through this life together...to shine with the light of Christ to each other, and to help each other walk through the valley.

Whether you are my close friend, or a stranger who happened across this blog today, know that you don't need to lose hope. Cling to it with all your might. For God, who has promised, is faithful. He loves you today, tomorrow, and always, and NEVER leaves your side.

Keep shining.
Pastor Amy

A Glimpse of the Shut-In Life

After spending 8+ hours in the ER late Friday night, early Saturday morning, I have spent the following 2 days (except for leaving to lead worship!) in my house. I am doing much better, but am still having some abdominal pain, and am completely exhausted. Last night I was just so sick of laying here that I got in my car and drove to Virginia, only to get completely sick, and feel as though I am paying for that adventure this morning!



And I realized that I have been getting a glimpse into what a shut-in's life is like. I am so tired of these walls, feeling hemmed in, and it has only been 48 hours. What must that feel like to never leave the house? My heart goes out to these people as they live the rest of their lives in their houses or nursings homes...only getting out to go to the dr. or the hospital.



I am going to work today, taking it slowly, but filled with the blessing of knowing that though I have to take it slow today, at least I can go to work. Thanks be to God for the blessings He gives us, and for sometimes slowing us down enough to remember them!



Peace,

Pastor Amy

Let it Snow, Jesus is Still Coming!

So I am sitting in my office, should be working on my Christmas Eve sermon, but I am distracted by watching this storm track across the midwest, headed our way. I keep getting interrupted by people calling and asking if we are still going to have worship tomorrow (Christmas Eve), and whether or not things are going to change.

And I can't help but think...first of all, I live like 150 feet from the church. If I can't get there, we must have gotten 6 feet of snow (which we are predicted to get closer to 8 inches!!). Secondly, we will have worship, with whoever can make it.

Why? Because Jesus came. Jesus came to a world that wasn't really ready for him...but had been waiting forever. Jesus came, not in the perfect hospital room, but in a manger full of hay, and in a cave that smelled like animals. Jesus came, and the Word was proclaimed to the shepherds first, the lowest of the low.

Ready or not, here he was, in all his messy glory. And it is for that reason that we gather on Christmas Eve. It isn't because we have always done it...it isn't because we are supposed to do it...we gather because we will never understand the mystery of a God who loved the world so much that Jesus had to be born. We gather because we need to be reminded that in the midst of whatever crazy things are going on in our lives, Jesus comes into the heart of them.

So wherever you are this Christmas, whether you are with your family and friends, or snowed into your house with nothing to do, take the time to celebrate. Because Jesus came for you!

Appreciating my flock...

So as I sit on my last day of vacation, in Bellingham, Washington, I can't help but think that there really should be a congregation appreciation day. I have been reminded this past week of just how amazing the people at my little church on the Iron Range are, and how very blessed I am to be their pastor.

I get to do ministry alongside people who have knowledge of hard times and tough love, beside people who understand what it is to love the land and celebrate their heritage.

I am blessed to be able to have a congregation who lets me try, fail, and try again, and I am constantly amazed at the amount of love that pours through the people that walk in that door.

So I can't help but wish there was a creative way to appreciate them. To let them know how much I admire their tenacity during hard times, their compassion for each other, and their love for the Lord and the land they live on.

Any ideas on how I might make that happen all you out their in the blogosphere?!?!

Let me know!

Peace,
Pastor Amy <><

Pastor's Taking Time to Grieve...

I have another funeral this weekend. So today, I sat down to write down to write the sermon for her funeral and was almost instantly stuck. What was my problem? I decided to go out to the cemetary and walk by her headstone (her husband was buried several years ago). It was there as I started to cry that I realized that I will miss this woman deeply. She was one of the first people to recognize me as pastor...one of those shut-ins whom everytime you visit you would learn something, and one of those women who you cannot help but admire.

So today, because of Myrtle, I started a new practice. I put a blanket down on the ground, at the cemetary, pulled out my laptop. I wrote a letter to her...not that she will be able to read it, but as a way of focusing myself, allowing myself a chance to say good-bye, and giving myself some focus to my thoughts that had been all over the place.

It was a time of grieving, cleansing, and just being with God. I consider it a holy moment, and am thankful to God for giving me the idea.

So here's the question for the day...what are some of the ways you grieve? For those of you who are pastors...do you take time to grieve the folks in your congregation before the funeral? After?

Would love to hear your thoughts!

Grace and peace,
Pastor Amy <><

Waiting on God...and Pondering his Plan

Well my friends, I write to you this morning, thankful for the beauty that surrounds me (it is a glorious day up here in "God's Country"), but also admittidly stressed out about what is going on in the world of my life and my congregation.

We received word yesterday that another 280 people were layed off at one of the local mines, and members of my congregation were yet again in the mix. Then, as I was driving home last night, my car started having issues again.

And it just made me think...how much I need to wait on God and see what his plan is for this time and place I am in. How much I need to trust that all things work for good through him. And just how hard that can really be.

My dad had surgery yesterday, my "fake" grandma had surgery the day before...and now this stuff. It just makes one wonder what God has in store. It doesn't make me question if God is working...because I KNOW that God is working. I just wonder what he has planned, ya know?

Anyway, dear friends of mine...what do you do when you are waiting on the Lord? Do you have favorite verses you read to remind you of God's promises? Music you listen to? People you talk to?

I pray that you are each able to see all the ways God is blessing you today.

Grace and peace,
Amy <><